Anxiety-Remembering all the Pain and How to Move Forward

I really don't want it to seem like my posts are bad or even saddening.

But as I sit here thinking what to write and it's getting late, all I can think about are all the things that made me upset or sad.

I wish there was some way I can take those memories out of my head so I can attempt to replace them with new things and new experiences.

I'm sitting here, remembering fights, and getting upset over them. Sitting here remembering people who hurt me and all I can think of is anger and bitterness. I hate that part about me, no matter how much I try to accept it.

I try to remember the good, but all I can think of are disappointments.

Some of the things that happened had to happen sooner or later, and some of those of things had to happen for fear of going insane.

I just really hate it being quiet or at night when I my mind goes blank and they just pop in there. Like, they didn't serve me any good or taught me a lesson that I very well remember, why does my brain want me to relive it in my head? To get me depressed?

I am trying to erase things and understand that some things are just how it supposed to be.

One thing that bugs me more than my own memories and for some reason it likes to stick there most like a sore thumb. I wonder if others memories of me are good and why some things didn't work out with them when I thought things were fine? Why were they so cruel or what did I do to make them lash out.

If there is someone I am bitter about, does that mean someone else is bitter about me? While I may think they may be crazy, they may think me a psychopath?

I know this is toxic thinking and I am trying to work around it, I always keep music on all the time just so I don't drown in my thoughts. 

How does one get past it? I know it's my anxiety playing here and its so annoying cause some things have been years ago and some have been months to weeks ago. I prefer to be in the present, but my brain keeps dragging me back to the past like I HAVE to remember.

I want to keep moving forward but I want to take the memory out of my head like they do in Harry Potter.

I know I've seen posts online that other talk of what I am writing about right now, just how do you get past it?

What do you do to help yourself? Any advice you can give me or to others that may have the same question?

Included in this blog are things I look at to remember to let go.