Thursday, March 9, 2017

Psychic Abilities, Physical and Mental Issues

Okay, first off, I've always known I've had some set of abilities. My parents had them and always told me growing up to be aware of them. I just trudged on and continued with life.

I'll get to where I was and near the end, I'll get to the abilities. Like wayfinding, to get where you are, you have to know where you've been.

It wasn't until I was 18 did they really hit me. I had some experiences before hand that made me wonder what the hell happened. But I remember being in pain, even mentally unstable and anxiety and panic attacks always looming about. Some days, I couldn't breathe. 
One time I had gotten diagnosed and prescribed for Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). I had a pretty bad time when it started, but it didn't help being around a person that was making fun and not allowing you to do something. But it continued. I always felt fear. I always felt anxious.
I was given anti-depressants, they thought my thyroid was over active and a few days later underactive, giving me insane amounts for three months of Levothyroxine, starting at 5mg ending in 75mg. Because of that pill, I gained 60 pounds in three months. I didn't eat either, I threw up, mixed with my IBS meds, birth control, and anti-depressants, it all was a terrible mix, and I wish I could back in time to say stop.

About the time I stopped taking pills and resuming my spirituality, my parents being Wiccan and new age, I went and learned not only about herbal remedies but about my abilities as well. My mother told me about my 4th great grandfather who was extremely psychic, and that down the line, many of his grandchildren received some of his abilities. My father, a Wiccan, kind of bartered for his abilities early on and worked hard to receive them, his family rejected alot and he was a black sheep on one side. He knew there was something more. But as with my father, sometimes emotions and bitterness can overtake someone. I still have hopes he can change back to the man I loved and knew. Before he turned to drugs to enhance himself. And that happens as well, and it can ruin a person.

Alot of my family scoffed at me, that's normal, but is degrading. It was hard to rise above it, to not let their words and actions hurt me, to make me not grow and get the sunlight I so deserved and needed. What is chaos for the fly is normal for the spider. My thinking was inflicting chaos and causing turmoil but wasn't causing me harm.

My family used to own a crystal mine, I grew up being embarrassed that we sold rocks and that we didn't have real jobs. I was made to feel awful. But in reality, the ones making me feel awful was also turning me into the sheep, living in a society that is unchanging, unmoving, stagnant. They made fun of weird and loved normal, when I was weird and could not understand normal, even from a young age. Again, what is chaos for the sheep is normal for the wolf. 

I got to thinking more on it. I started accepting who I was, I am me after all, and only I can love and understand who I am. My husband has been my greatest supporter of all time. So loads of love and kudos for him. He prefers the wolf and spider and he in turn, was a black sheep of his family, kind of like how I was. 

When I was 20, I learned I was an empath, an Indian shaman in North Carolina mountains helped me. She showed me the crystals, how to help block others emotions and energies with amethyst, moonstone for increasing your own, crystals for clearing, etc. I thank her for finally putting me on the right track. Not only is it okay to have crystals or healing, they are pretty decorations as well, and it is okay to sell rocks, it is okay to not be in the norm. If I didn't have her to help me block others energies, I would've been a wreck. That time, that day, I was drowning, and wild, gasping for air.

Anyhow...I am getting off track. 

I had to tell you how I got to the point of my abilities. 

I am still learning about myself daily. As you will. 

My anxiety, for instance, was being an empath (feeling the feelings and energies of others) Even spirits.
There were times where I felt uncontrollably like a wave hit me, I'd hyperventilate, get anxious, have the panic attacks. It was all too much

That's when I learned about Clairsentience. Apparently, Spirit Anxiety is that psychic ability which is ALSO paired with empathic abilities.

To not only feel others, human, and spirit, but animal and buildings, and places. Having gut feelings of wrong and right, intuition, even weaving in and out of time in this ability, Clairsentience. 

I also learned about out of body experiences. Astral travel. But sometimes, you can astral travel with your other abilities.

I am a Cancer with a Sagittarius rising.  Water and Fire. In Chinese Zodiac, I was born in the year of the Golden Earth Snake. I am connected to 3 elements that also conflict with each other. But water is my favorite.

Last year when Hurricane Matthew was around, right before it hit land, I could hear whales, their song, the peaceful tunes, and it was dead quiet in my house. I can hear the soothing waves and feel the gentle movements. Then when the hurricane hit land, chaos with the beauty. I could feel the pain, the tremors, I could still hear the whales and their song, peaceful, but now that water hitting land, the storm. 
Apparently, I was out of it for over an hour. My husband trying to get me to snap back. My eyes were white. I was not prepared for this. My dad used to astral travel, he tried showing me or at least communicate with me on what to do, he told me there would be a time when it would choose me. 

When you open your spirit to astral travel, ou are steps away from becoming whole, but you have to harness these abilities, you can not let it overtake you.

Same with Empath and Clairsentience.

They will make you feel all torn up, and it comes in waves. When you are not opening yourself or attempting to communicate with your abilities and spirit, it can raise some issues. 

I was so desperate for anything, to feel special, that I overlooked alot of things. Many are still in this mode, but many are still new and learning. 

For me, and for many others, Spirit Anxiety feels a lot like sudden onset anxiety - and it can lead many mediums to see their gifts/abilities as a psychological disorder, and not part of a greater gift.  
The last ability I have noticed was something a little darker. You will always have an ability you do not like or not talk about or reject. 

Rejecting something is rejecting yourself.

I have my spirit and then I have what I can alter ego or dark spirit. Unaware of from a young age, these abilities can perform your own poltergeist can alter things to harm others. I've discussed this with some other psychics and shamans. It's interesting. Apparently, this does show in children but wears off when they grow up. 

Mine didn't wear off. Instead, now I use that part of myself that can harm others to protect myself. Some who can see spirits can see my "dark shadow" lingering, it's even shown up in an aura photo. 

One time I was working and this man was harming me, not physically, but psychically. I had made too much noise and this customer was extremely unstable and asked for quiet. Hard to ask for quiet when you work in a coffee shop and need the use or machines, blenders, and microwaves. Anyways, I was making a frappuccino, and my arm felt like it was on fire and my heart was hurting. I couldn't explain why and nothing looked wrong, all of the sudden a dark shroud, which was me, enveloped me was a ward, protective bubble, and I followed where the pain was coming from, like a string. The man was standing in front of the pastry case, staring at me with a horrible deadly look. I told him to leave once he realized I could stop his gifts. I then wished something would happen to show him not to mess with me again. 

That was a wrong move. He had a wreck right in front of my work, 20 feet out the door. He had to go to the hospital and so did the other person. He sped out of the parking lot and ended up totaling his sedan, as an SUV hit him head on.  I had wished for him to be harmed. And my dark spirit did the job within minutes.

I became fearful of that power for a long time.

But now, when spirits try to attach themselves to me, I can use it to shield myself, as much as shielding others. 

The crystals can only help so much, I had to learn how to defend myself, make myself a shield. The crystals helped show me the way and what needed work in my defenses, what was weak.

Again, we all have this dark spirit. But it wears off and people forget how to use it. 

Nothing is wrong in using crystals, their energies are great and wonderful
But there comes a time when you have to step back and let your energy rise and take over. You will still have the crystals to help when you feel weakened. 

Due to all my excess crystals and work I've done for myself and my husband, I've wanted to help others. 
I went ahead and became an ordained minister, just so I can become a spiritual advisor, a priestess of my own design.

I want to help others re-work themselves, let the crystals lay on them and show them the way, to help them raise themselves.

I learned alot over the years and still learning. But there is not any reason why I can't help others through my experience. 

If you have any questions, please feel free to comment below. 



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