Why I Became a Photographer.

I was asked a little while ago what inspired me to become a photographer, even if it is a hobby now. In 2008, when I was 18, I was in Harper's Ferry WV, had a little 3-megapixel camera that I loved dearly that my sis got me. 

Anyways, there are the old factory ruins there and I love that place. 

While running around and being stupid on one visit, there was a photography session going on, I didn't notice it at first, just the Viking Man in the old factory ruins. They all stopped to look at me, I apologized for disturbing them when the Viking Model called out to me if I wanted a picture. I nodded and he posed. 

To this day, I love this pic, besides the model being cute, especially to 18-year-old me LOL and he isn't too bad on the eyes now at 27-years-old either! I then needed space on my computer and unfortunately resized this pic smaller. 

I had always loved taking photos, I traveled so much growing up that when I told my "friends" where I've been, they didn't believe me, so I always was taking photos to show where I've been and what I've seen.

This day for the model and photographer (and a wife and baby on site too) may have been interrupted by a teenage girl, but they don't know that at that moment, they changed my mind and swayed my heart. This made a teenage girl feel passion for something that wasn't just a video game, but for living life. And that is something this 18-year-old needed at the time. 

I remember being angry and being alone, having just broken up with my boyfriend, my dad who just got out of prison due to drugs, my parents divorcing, teenage me contemplating suicide, also shutting myself in my bedroom because I had no friends and because I was afraid. I was also homeschooled growing up and had just gotten my GED. I was trying to right wrongs but felt no passion, I wanted something so much I wasn't finding it. I realize now at 27 years old, that I was 18 and when you are 18, don't rush it. Things happen that you can't control, just stay in the negative and stay afraid. 

Later after this, I started to go to Academy of Art University Online for photography, I did one semester and  I am grateful for the knowledge and know how I got from them, but I couldn't finish it. Mainly because they told me that everything I did was on the lowest photographer food chain so to speak. That I was more journalist quality and I need to make photos other than "take" them. I felt insulted. By the time my 2nd semester came around, the first subject was Fear and I could not do it. 7 years later and I am able to pick up my camera and take photos again and feel free like I did before. Before I lost sight of that passion I felt at the time with the Viking Man in the Factory Ruins.

But to this day when someone asks me why I love photography, other than capturing memories and interesting/inspiring things, I think back to the Viking in the factory ruins each time. 

Self Love and Putting Yourself Down

Hello there!

I just had a slight issue. 

For starters, I am trying to find and create myself again. I used to love creating and drawing.  So I am taking some minutes to draw a thing here, a thing there. Trying to combine passions.  I've been doing little colored pencil works and putting it through my photoshop and some of my own photography to make it look cool and weird. Trying to figure stuff out while being comfortable with myself.

But I just had to stop myself just now.

I was attempting to force myself to be in a drawing creative mood. The reason why I stopped myself was because I told myself it looked stupid. 

I'll attempt to create again when the mood strikes, so I don't need to put myself down again.

I wanted to write about this because it is important. 

So many others put themselves down, so many others don't give themselves a chance. So many stop and hesitate. 

And then the response from the hesitation becomes this-"This Is Stupid"

Now that is just silly, don't you agree?

We are one with ourselves, we have the world fighting us on opinions and appearances, yet we are our greatest enemy? 

I used to continue on with something until it didn't feel stupid, but then I would be enraged and angry because I spent so long on it and it wasn't even worth it in the end. 

The anger was not worth my energy.

I am writing this to say, Love who you are. Respect Who You Are. Be Kind to Who You Are.

I am a person that always lifts others up, I don't like drama, nor tearing others down. Yet, I make my own drama, I put myself down, I cry because I don't feel pretty, I am angry because I don't feel anyone there to lift myself up. 

I always said I loved myself, but that always felt selfish and narcissistic. That I should help, heal, and love others.

Yet because of those issues, I am gaslighting my own self. 

I am sure others feel this way!

I am after changing my own ways, if I would not put down someone else, then I should not put myself down either.

Anyways, I am just dropping this here because it was important for me to remember and for others to read and hear.